Tag Archives: Open Letters to People or Entities Who are Unlikely to Respond

Mr. Backwards

Dear Asshat,

Yes…I know that apartheid did not occur during the 1800s. I was trying to tell you all the important events that had been debated in Faneuil Hall over the years.  The list of: apartheid, child labor laws, women’s rights to vote, union rights, religious rights, and others should NOT be met with the reply: “So nothing of significance happened here”.

When I tell you that I love having the right to vote and that my Grandmother, 90 years old this May and on Facebook, loves the fact that she was BORN with the right to vote, you should not reply back with “Stop being defensive. That is the problem. You are a woman and women get defensive”.

You should also not tell me that I am a waste of tax payer money and an embarrassment to civil service everywhere. I am not a civil servant and you are an Ass Hat. Please do not come back to Boston…go back into your hole and back to worrying about the fact that some of our nation’s greatest treasures are in the hands of Massholes like myself.

No cookie for you,
Me

 

Dear Lovely Canadian Men,

I love you. You helped me be able to detach myself from that Ass Hat from somewhere America. Thank you for being the sweet Canadians that I know most are. I hope that you are dating each other because you would make a cute couple. Please come back to Boston anytime you want and bring all your friends.

Me

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USS Constitution

I had a great post here about the neighbors who want the USS Constitution to change the way she fires her cannons because they feel lit is too loud.  They want the cannons to be quiet until 9 AM on the weekends and the National Anthem to not be played so loudly and the charges to be smaller.

stern
To which I say: shut up.

This tradition has been going on since before 1800 and the charges have been made smaller over the years already. They barely use any black powder to set the cannons off already and oh yeah, we are at war. These cannons are shot off twice a day in honor of the men and women who are serving and who have served. Many of these sailors will be going off to active duty combat after their 3 years at the Constitution is up and many of the National Park Rangers have also served in some capacity.  This ship is the mascot of the entire Navy and it is only appropriate for her to fire her cannons off as a sign of respect…and its pretty cool to watch them do it, as well.
I was lucky enough to get to take a trip on the Constitution a few years ago with my Dad. It was Armed Forces Day and so there was a 19 gun salute (why are they always odd numbers?) to the men and women of the Armed Forces. While I couldn’t really see over the sides of the ship, I knew enough to get down to the gun deck in time to see them load and fire the charges. Afterwards, I got one of the shells as a souvenier of my trip…it stunk to high heaven for a few weeks, but it is awesome. See:

DSCF1361

So, be quiet people living at Flagship Wharf…Nomar would have never been a jerk like you are. Oh, and I hope you enjoy it next summer when they are turning the Yard back into a working one and putting the USS Cassin Young into drydock! That should be exciting…lots of banging and crashing and melting and tearing. Its going to be awesome to see what kind of letter you send to the NPS unit.

An Open Letter

Dear Woman on the Blue Line (Morning, 12/22/08),

I appreciate the fact that it is the holidays and you are probably bringing all those bags in either because you: A) like your co-workers and want to shower them with holiday cheer or B) feel obligated to give your crappy co-workers equally crappy gifts/treats. And I know that the floor of the subway is both disgusting when dry and so incredibly scary when wet, like on a morning like today’s was.

HOWEVER!

That does not mean that your presents have the right to a seat on the subway. Especially when there are no other seats. I’ve checked the rider’s bill of rights and no where in there do they mention anything about crappy co-worker Christmas presents.

So, do not give me a dirty look when I gesture for you to move your bags before I sit on them. I’m doing you a favor by not just sitting on them with my smashing green snow pants. Although I might have spared your co-workers from your ensuing crappyness distribution, which would have made them happier.

Oh, and the next time you spend the rest of the ride with your presents resting on my leg? I will tear them to bits.

I don’t like to mess around in the morning.

The Green Monster on the Blue Line